By Oveimeh-Brown Alfredo
Atunlute Isaac was 8 when he was raped by a family relative, after a family dinner. Having been raised in a Nigerian home where boys are taught to be emotionally stoic and repress their feelings, Isaac didn’t speak to his family about the assault. For years, the memory of the rape incident gnawed at him like a tumour and nearly prompted him to dabble into male prostitution.
The traditional notion of masculinity is associated with strength and emotional numbness. From a tender age, the boy child learns that showing how they feel was betraying vulnerability, a sign of weakness. Reinforcing these ideologies was the media, which associated masculinity with vigour and resilience. Think, for example, of TV ads of pain reliefs featuring muscly men wracked by pain. No doubt embedded in the public psyche, this traditional concept of masculinity has led to inner conflicts for many males, who strive to conform to societal norms. The emotions thus repressed take a toll on their mental healths, manifesting in unconscious public behaviours.
Years later, Isaac, now 26, encountered an outfit called Boys to MEN Foundation during his NYSC stint. Boys to MEN provided him an immediate sense of community to share his story without feeling insecure or weak. Since he found succour, Isaac has drawn on his story to reach out to other young men grappling with secret boyhood trauma. Yet Isaac’s is a broader illustration of how societal expectations have broken young men and gagged them in return. Nigerian society’s concept of masculinity has left little room for men to explore their emotions or seek help when they need it most.
Over the years, though, there has been a growing recognition of the importance of mental health, even within the context of masculinity. This shift has been largely driven by increased awareness campaigns, conversations on social media, and advocacy by mental-health champions who are challenging the status quo.
Since established in November 2017, Boys to Men Foundation, a Nigerian nonprofit, has worked assiduously to shore up support for the boy child and correct misconceptions about masculinity. The Foundation is dedicated to supporting boys and men to become their best selves, and influence the communities in which they live. It is also helping their mental health and their ability to express emotions without being perceived as weak.
In the same vein, the conversation around masculinity is evolving, as younger Nigerian males reject the stereotypes long instilled in them. For them, masculinity is no longer about suppressing emotions but rather about embracing vulnerability as a strength. Religious institutions also play a crucial role in this conversation, by promoting messages of compassion, understanding, and support for those struggling with mental health issues, religious leaders can help shift the narrative around masculinity and mental health. However, as the stories of Isaac illustrate, change is possible. By redefining what it means to be a man, we can create a society where men are free to express their emotions, seek help when needed, and support one another through life’s challenges. Education, advocacy, and community support are essential in this process. Schools should incorporate mental health education into their curricula, teaching boys from a young age that it is okay to feel, to cry, and to ask for help. Media campaigns can also play a vital role in challenging stereotypes and promoting fluid representations of masculinity.
It is, however, important to recognize that there is no one-size-fits-all approach to mental health. It is crucial to provide a range of support options that cater to these diverse experiences of men. Whether through counseling services, support groups, or online platforms, men should have access to resources that empower them to take control of their mental health. As the concept of masculinity continue to evolve in Nigerian society, the traditional expectations placed on men come under scrutiny. And a new, more inclusive understanding of maleness is emerging. In this shift the former parameters of vigour and stoic silence are been replaced by empathy, resilience and the courage to embrace one’s true self.
Atunlute Isaac, raped at age 8 by a family relative, struggled with the trauma for years due to societal expectations of masculinity in Nigeria, which emphasize emotional stoicism. The repression of his emotions affected his mental health profoundly. However, at 26, he found solace through the Boys to MEN Foundation, enabling him to share his story and help other young men with similar traumas.
The traditional concept of masculinity in Nigeria, reinforced by media, teaches boys to see emotional expression as a weakness, leading to severe mental health issues. This narrative is slowly shifting due to increased awareness campaigns, social media discussions, and advocacy by mental-health champions. The Boys to MEN Foundation, established in November 2017, works to deconstruct these harmful stereotypes, supporting boys and men to express their emotions without fear of being seen as weak.
As younger Nigerian males and religious institutions embrace a more inclusive understanding of masculinity that values vulnerability, there is hope for significant cultural change. Education, advocacy, and a variety of support resources are essential in this transformation, aiming to create a society where men can freely express their emotions and seek help, fostering both individual and community well-being.
